“Joy exists within us independently of whether things go our way or not. And when we don’t feel it, we can trust that we will find it if we are willing to surrender to the situation, moving through it.” ~Daily OM

Courage: Courage means to face fear. To FEEL fear fully instead of resisting it so we can finally be free of it. When it comes to transitioning to natural hair, it takes courage, but the good thing is: You have all the courage you need! When going natural, many of us do not know what to expect. I had a relaxer since I was about 7 years old. So from 7 to 21, I never knew what the hair that grows out of my scalp truly looked like. I never knew what my real texture looked like and only relaxed my hair because at the time I blindly did not know there were other options. Going natural requires us to embrace the unknown and to let go of expectations. Many of us do things we are used to because we fear the unknown, but there comes a time when we yearn for more and so the journey begins. We really do not know what to expect, if this is our first time going natural. Instead of fearing this unknown territory, we can be excited about the new and endless possibilities we are facing! Like the caterpillar that goes into the cocoon, it does not know what it will be like when it emerges, but it trusts. When we embrace the unknown and let go of expectations, we no longer set ourselves up for disappointment because there is no goal we HAVE to achieve. The goal is actually the process. We let go of expectations, so we can be pleased by what every day brings in our journey. I remember the first time I stepped out into the world with my short natural hair, I was scared. I did not know what others would think, I did not know what I thought even, and I was still in shock. I did not know what to expect. But I felt that fear and I allowed myself to be in this “not knowing” place, and I kept rising. When we “feel the fear and do it anyways” (shout out to Susan Jeffers lol) that courage is seen by everyone around us. This courage and self love will be reflected back to us. It takes courage to Love your authentic self in a society that cherishes and honors masks more.

Acceptance: Show your hair unconditional Love and let go of comparisons. To LOVE unconditionally means to accept fully. To accept means to not want to change or manipulate, but to accept AS IS. This can be a difficult lesson because many of us have grown up learning to hide our natural hair because of false beliefs that it is not good enough or that it is ugly. We see the standard of beauty the media feeds us and since it is so narrow and illusory, we naturally do not fit in (hell, basically no one does!) The natural hair journey teaches us to accept ourselves regardless of what anyone thinks. It teaches us to make our own standard of beauty.  Many of us, when we do go natural, we start comparing our hair with other natural goddesses’ hair. Some of us wish that our hair will look like other heads of hair. But this journey is your journey-The journey into accepting yourself for exactly how/what/who you are! Let’s not fall into another trap, into another standard of beauty, into more divisions. All textures, colors, shades, natural or not natural are beautiful! It all breaks down to accepting yourself no matter what, within the natural hair journey or not. We all are beautiful at whatever point we are at within the bigger journey called Life. No one has your beautiful, unique head of hair and it is your job to love it-no one else’s. It is the hair that you will see every day. When we let go of comparisons, we can finally be at Peace knowing that our hair is beautiful right NOW. Goals can be good to have, but don’t allow them to hinder how you feel right now. The journey is truly the destination. And the more we accept where we are right now, the smoother and more enjoyable the ride will be for us. Everyone, when comparisons are let go of, are the epitome of beauty because we are all reflections of the Divine. Look in the mirror and truly SEE your hair, SEE yourself. Fall in Love with what you were blessed with. Fall in love with YOU.

Intuition: Do what is right for YOUR hair. Your hair has unique needs. In the beginning of my natural hair journey, there was a lot of stress I was creating. Mainly because I was trying to follow all of these instructions and tips I saw online and from other naturals. It is truly a gift that we have so much information out there on how to take care of our hair. It really is good to use this information as some starting guidance or a strong foundation, but never ignore your intuition. When we listen to our intuition rather than logic, it is like listening to a short-cut from the heart. I had so much stress trying to do it “right” by what so-and-so said, that I was not listening to myself. Our intuition guides us through-out our journey and helps us to lighten up our load of concerns. When I started to listen to myself, this is when I ran into the right info or tips, picked up the perfect product, and my hair regimen started to form on its own. Listen to what feels right for you. If it doesn’t resonate with you, then it wasn’t meant for you (or meant for you at this point). This will save you a lot of stress, time, and money. What is right for one natural, may not be right for you. This is YOUR journey and the fun of the natural hair journey is getting to know your hair. When you listen to your hair and give it the love, nourishment, nurturing, and protection it yearns for, it will Love you back with optimal health and truly thriving and blossoming. What is right for you is what works for YOU. No need to stress out trying to adhere to rules and restrictions. Relax and you will naturally do what is healthy and loving for your hair.

Patience: Take your natural hair journey one step at a time. Patience requires trust and acceptance. Don’t allow your natural hair goals to own you or control you. Be in tune with the moment and what is happening right now. When we do achieve our goals, we usually are satisfied for a little, but then we go on the hunt again for our next goal or challenge. This never allows us to enjoy the moment. We cannot truly enjoy the journey if we are not accepting where we are right now. Always celebrate all you have accomplished within this journey. Do not look over even the minutest accomplishment. It takes patience in any journey to see the results we desire. Results don’t happen overnight. Like Maya Angelou said, “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” There are a lot of shifts that go on beyond the surface, patterns and attachments to be let go of, fear to be faced, and persistence needs to be learned, but it is ALL worth it because this is something you truly want in your heart. I would not do one thing differently in my 3 year natural hair journey so far because I have learned from all mistakes and challenges and I would not be where I am now. This goes for any type of journey! There are no accidents in Life. When you are allowing the journey to unfold how it naturally wants to, you will be pleasantly surprised at what you learn along the way-even more than you could have anticipated for! This is not just a hair journey, but a journey in discovering yourself. To see YOU for the first time, fully stripped away of what is not naturally you, standing naked and free.

Trust: This final key lesson of Trust is in reality the foundation for the previous 4 key lessons: Patience, Intuition, Acceptance, and Courage.  When you trust that this is a transformation that you are destined to go through, it makes the ride a lot smoother. You can allow your hair to go through whatever phases and seasons it needs to fully blossom to what you desire. When you embark on this journey because it feels right in your heart, this will always guide and support you through-out it. Trust will guide you to supportive, loving people in your Life that see the importance in your journey. Trust will ensure that you stay on the path even when temptation is present. Temptation is present when ambivalence is still in the air. But there will be a time when you are so enmeshed with your hair journey that you would not even think of going back because you have grown. You finally broke free of the cocoon and you are no longer the same person you were before you started this journey.  Now this doesn’t mean that maybe you would want to switch it up with your hair one day and start a new journey. That is your choice, but this transformation has deeply rooted and lasting changes no matter what you do on the surface. During your natural hair journey, though, you will be able to transcend temptations because the Universe is backing you up in your decision. When we are ambivalent, it reflects back to us in our external world. So if we are on the fence about being natural and didn’t do it because it truly resonates with us, then any small comment, opinion, or look will make us rethink this whole journey. But when this is something you are doing because you feel it in your soul, then nothing in the entire world can stop you.

“To love is to risk being disappointed, let down and broken hearted and be vulnerable anyway. Love & freedom both require risk. It’s not about whether someone else lives up to your expectations, but if you live up to your own. Don’t be attached to people, focus inward on your own experience of love and bring that to every situation. This is how you take your power back! If you do this authentically, everything your Heart desires AND MORE will be yours.” ~Jackson Kiddard

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life.”

~Elizabeth Gilbert

Check out “2012: Turning Fear into LOVE (Alchemy)”!

“Your emotions are very wise guides. As you walk down The Path of Life and learn more about yourself, you will begin to see your emotions as a great ally. Inside of you is all the intuitive wisdom you will ever need and your emotions are the expression of that wisdom. Life is joy, pain, change and primal – your emotions are the building block of life. The true Master understands this and expresses their emotions without judgment or the intention of manipulation. As you begin to express yourself and trust that expression life will open to you in the most unbelievable ways. Creativity will be yours. Success will come. Confidence will come. A brand new life will be yours. Each emotion is a piece of you and must be honored. As you get in touch with your emotions and don’t fear expressing them Life will open – you will be yourself, truly, for the first time.”

~Jackson Kiddard

“Wanting to reform the world without discovering one’s true self is like trying to cover the world with leather to avoid the pain of walking on stones and thorns. It is much simpler to wear shoes.” ~Ramana Maharshi

You are a natural Alchemist. You are able to turn anything into LOVE. You are able to turn darkness into Light. You can turn the heaviest, gloomiest feelings into Light and Love. To be able to do this all that you need is the willingness. This willingness will give you the courage you need to face anything. This willingness will also give you trust to allow the process to naturally happen.

Everytime that you feel a heavy feeling or a feeling that you would not want to feel, instead of reacting to it through resistance, allow it. First allow that resistance, then allow the feeling. Simply sit with it. These feelings are invitations. These feelings are in your Awareness and your only responsiblity is to feel them. Peel back the layers of these feelings like a Lotus flower until you get to Source.

Speaking of the Lotus, a lot of women resist, hate, dread their monthly moon time. But during this time, we can truly tap into our inner Alchemist. This has been what I have done and I cherish this time. Because when we can allow the heavy feelings without trying to change or rationalize them and we can feel the pain in our body from any cramps or tender breasts, etc we can transcend it and go even deeper. These can be very enlightening times for us where we turn our pain into Freedom and Love. Of course I write this as I am experiencing cramps lol. Love how the Universe works But pain resisted is suffering (i.e. when you clench up during moon time cramps it hurts even more, but if you relax into it the pain dissolves and transforms-alchemy!). Pain embraced is Alchemy and shines as Love. Come into your power, your Being.

We develop illnesses, emotionally, physically, and psychologically when we are in resistance. When we do not want to face these feelings, they do not go away. Even though we may suppress them, they are still there. And they get accumulated and we feel bogged down. We go around carrying this pain. Holding onto it, almost as if we identify as the pain and without it we wouldn’t know who/what we were. We may try to do things to temporarily not think about it and we may even try to hide the pain with addictions or projecting it onto others. But it is still there. And will never go away until you face it. That is all we need to “do.” All we need to do is FEEL it. They won’t go away because we have not learned the lesson from these feelings yet. These feelings are loving spiritual teachers when they are embraced instead of attacked.

The lessons they teach us are unconditional love, surrender, acceptance, allowing, patience etc. Anything we experience or that is in our Awareness is there FOR us. To help in our healing or awakening process. When we allow these feelings, this means we feel them in the body. Without the label or judgment of the mind, the feelings no matter how “dark or heavy” are really just sensations in the body. Once we feel them, we can go even deeper. We may feel other heavy feelings, we may not. But wouldn’t you want to find out and see for yourself? What is past that door. Fear, guilt, depression, sadness, anxiety, anger, etc are actually the door that takes us to the treasure we seek. But we can never see that if we always back down to them via resistance.

You are an alchemist. You are LOVE and anything that you touch will turn into LOVE also. You can actually dissolve that door of fear so that there is no inside and outside, no more separations. So there is just THIS.

When you have the willingness to face whatever is in your Awareness, all the “demons” that you thought chased you actually dissolve. The demons weren’t real and only wanted your attention. The demons weren’t chasing you, you were actually chasing the demons fearing what it would be like without them. Fear of the unknown. Your Being is so powerful that nothing has power over you unless you give it power. You are not a victim of anything. Nothing owns you. Unless you want it to. But what if we take our power back and stop playing small? What if we embrace the unknown? What if for a split second we give up everything and simply BE?

2012 is a time of change and we make the change now by tapping into our inner Alchemist. By always choosing Love. By turning the heaviest of feelings into LOVE. Every moment we can do this. We can turn nightmares into beautiful dreams. We can turn illusions into reality. We can turn hell into heaven by choosing Love.

Alchemy is always in your Life. And sometimes things happen differently than we thought they would. Sometimes in the healing process it seems like everything is crumbling. Because it is. Everything that you created for yourself is crumbling. This is happening to make room for what truly resonates with you, that wasn’t created by “you” but has always BEEN. This is happening so you can finally accept the Life your hearts wants.

When we are faced with the ashes of our old life, old thought system, old patterns, old behaviors, old relationships, old jobs that no longer serve us, this is when we can rise above the ashes. This is when we can join with the newness that has been birthed from our open heart. When you see that the ashes of the past are really the golden dust of your heart waiting for you to breathe life into it, you become the Alchemist and turn fear into Love.

Check out “2012: Allow the Wound to Heal (Change)”!

Check out “2012: Planting Seeds of Love (Patience)”!

Check out “2012: Allowing the Contractions in Re-Birth (Courage)”!

Check out “2012: Letting Go of the Steering Wheel (Trust)”!

Okay so I hear word on the street is that this thing called Valentine’s day is next week. So I really never was a fan of this day. Yes, I’m what people would call single, but before you call me a “hater” (I hate that word lol), hear me out. So I never liked this holiday even back when I was in a relationship. Because I think it is pretty whack to give LOVE “A” day, kind of like how it is whack to give Black History month “A” month (a short ass month at that lol) or Hispanic heritage month “A” month, etc.

We should celebrate Love everyday. But I guess we need an excuse to buy things..go figure lol. When you are with your Beloved, every single moment should be like Valentine’s day. Not with the cheesy cards or box of chocolates and material things, but every moment we should dedicate to honoring Love, to honoring our partner, and especially honoring our Self.

But just because you are single doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate this holiday too. Actually here is a challenge for you for Valentine’s day and for every single day of the year. Remix it for yourself according to what floats your boat and gets your heart chakra tingling. But for me, I love letters.

I write letters to God, my Self, my Twin Flame/my Beloved, etc. Well they really are ONE in the same, so I write letters to my Self everyday. I have always wanted a man to write me a beautiful Love letter, but I decided to stop waiting and do it my damn self! No more expectations, just Love. In this letter, I wrote what I appreciate about myself, honored myself, celebrated accomplishments-no matter how minute, and most importantly apologized for things like never listening to myself, neglecting myself, abusing myself, etc. I wanted to acknowledge all the pain I have ever caused myself. No one else can do this, but me. No one else has the power to hurt me, but myself. So this was an emotional letter, tears were flowing. But it was very healing.

Now this whole idea may sound very egoic, but I think this is necessary. Love starts with us even though we search outside of ourselves for validation, for someone to listen to us, to take away the pain, to accept us. Why not give it to ourselves-LOVE. To get to our true nature, we have to go through the human aspect of us. And the human side of us will be loud and act up until it gets the attention it needs.

So on Valentine’s day or around that time I am going to have the courage to read my letter to myself in the mirror. Here is a mini excerpt from it: “I will honor you always. Honoring your feelings, Being, soul, mind, and body. Anchoring you in Love, right NOW. You deserve Love. There is nothing you could do to stop my Love for you because in reality I AM YOU.”

So here are some ideas to honor your Self for Valentine’s day and everyday since everyday is LOVE day:

-Write a love letter to your Self. Write to yourself everything you have been waiting to hear from someone else. If you are waiting for someone to apologize, take your power back and acknowledge any pain you have actually caused yourself. And always forgive yourself because everything truly happens exactly how it should. Honor yourself in this letter. Accept yourself in this letter. This is your sacred time to show unconditional love to yourself. Just allow Source to write this letter for you. Try to read it out loud to yourself in the mirror. Acknowledge all feelings that come up when you write this and when you read this. Make it pretty. Write it in your favorite notebook or pen. Get creative and romantic. Oooh la la.

-Give yourself a nice relaxing bath with some healing sea salt or essential oils and bubbles. Light a candle of your favorite fragrance. Study aromatherapy and get fragrances your soul needs right now. Read your favorite book(s) or listen to your favorite music or a meditation. Or simply BE with the beauty of silence. For this bath be in the moment. Be in tune with every single thing. Sensuality keeps us anchored in the NOW. So be aware of the smells, how the warm water feels on your skin and body, maybe have some flowers or flower petals, do a flame meditation with the candle(s). When it comes to washing your body, pay attention to every inch of your body. Wash slowly. No need to rush, this is your sacred time. Something I love to do is put on some tantric music during my baths. It gets me even more relaxed and in the moment. Check out my playlist for tantric music.

-When you are finished with Loving yourself in the bath, give yourself a loving massage. Rub lotion/butters/oils on your skin. Take care to rub every part of your body. Enjoy the feeling of being massaged and touched. Even sneak some kisses in there. A lot of the times we don’t give ourselves this attention and Love. We take our bodies for granted. But they are there and deserve Love too. No more waiting for a man or woman to do it for you, honor yourself. You can do this with some of the elements up above like candles, flowers, etc. Whatever resonates with you. = )

-Cook your favorite foods or bake your favorite desserts. Now I do realize some people may not enjoy cooking so maybe order your favorite food or go to your favorite restaurant instead lol. Be okay with going out by yourself. This is a date with your Self. Cherish it. But if you are cooking your meal, enjoy the process of preparing it. Prepare it with Love, be in tune with the details. Allow this to be a meditation by being totally in the moment. Eat by candlelight or on the balcony. And when you eat, pay attention to the taste. Enjoy the taste and the smell.  Focusing on the details and our senses grounds us in the NOW.

-Dance! We all love to dance. It can be healing. Dance to your favorite music. Dance to something seductive. Try out different dances like belly dance, ballet, salsa, etc. Enjoy feeling your body move. Watch yourself dance and admire your body. We don’t need someone else to admire how we look. Admire everything about yourself right now. When we are no longer comparing ourselves, we realize that right NOW we are the epitome of beauty. Everyone is because we are all reflections of the Divine. So have fun!

-Do your favorites. Watch your favorite movies. Sing to your favorite songs. Sing like you don’t care if the whole world hears you. Sing because it feels good. Do all of your favorite things, wear your favorite color(s), play your favorite game(s). Do things that you enjoyed as a child and remember the innocence of you that is always there. Life is meant to be fun and playful.

-Remember when we were young and played dress up. Well do that again. Dress up in your favorite outfit. An outfit that makes you feel Divine. Do your hair exactly how you like it. Dress for yourself and no one else.

-Groom yourself. Give yourself a manicure, pedicure, facial, steam your face, do a deep conditioning treatment. Look up natural beauty treatments so you can see your natural glow! Make time for the one person that is with you all the time-yourself.

-Sacred sex. If abstaining from sex is what you are doing until you can re-unite with your Beloved in some chakra tingling sacred sex, then take some time to practice tantric exercises. Especially focus on your breathing. Making sure to not keep it too shallow. There are so many exercises you can do to getting your sexual energy flowing all through-out your Kundalini snake. Remember that pleasing yourself is not only genital focused. Though that does feel pretty damn good (lol), take care to explore your body inside and out. Chakras and all. Any part of our body can have an orgasm. Don’t limit yourself to solely your genitals. No one will know how to please you until you know how to do it yourself. So take the time to do so. What gets you hot and bothered? (lol) Examine your body, not leaving out your genital area. Watch with loving, accepting eyes. We are loving ourselves. This prepares us for fulfilling unions when the time is right. I suggest you read, “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex” by Dr. Judy Kuriansky, she gives even more tantric tips like the ones I listed above. I found the e-book version online. So do a little google search.

Now all of these ideas are for all my Queens/Goddesses AND Kings/Gods. I know they may seem very Yin celebrated, but men celebrate your Yin energy! You are only whole when you celebrate all of you. It is okay to Love yourself. No more waiting for someone else to do it. Give to yourself what you have been looking for. This way, when your Beloved appears, it will be EVEN better. Because it will be ONE + ONE = ONE. You will naturally LOVE everything when you Love your Self because you will see your Self in everything and everyone.

So start implementing some of these Love exercises today. Your challenge is to aim to doing one loving thing towards yourself a day. You will find time if this is important to you. You will start to see your world change when you do this. You deserve this, Beloved!

Trying to manipulate and change things in your external world is like putting a band-aid on a gun shot wound-it doesn’t work. And I am speaking from some soaked band-aid experience.

When we are trying to change our external circumstances, why are we trying to change them? Because we want to be happier, lighter, and more alive? But what if the only thing keeping us from joy, was the thought that we didn’t already have it.

True Peace comes when our personal will dissolves in the Universal Will. This orgasmic union happens when we no longer resist Life or try to change it, but allow Life exactly as it IS. THIS is where true, lasting joy is. THIS is where we are ALIVE.

The untrained, conditioned mind can have us running around searching forever. Always thinking that our happiness lies in relationships, jobs, money, a spiritual awakening, etc. Some THING always is the contributor of our happiness with the conditioned mind as ruler.  Whatever your mind labels as Happiness is not truly happiness. Bliss, Joy, Freedom, etc are NOW because it is our true nature. This all comes from BEING.

When we allow this in, then this is when we truly can enjoy fulfilling relationships, jobs, sacred sex, etc. Because  now when we are experiencing them we can relax and not automatically start searching for something else. Now we aren’t in fear of losing it or not being good enough or using these things as addictions, etc.

Nothing this material world can offer will ever fulfill us. We can only be fulfilled by our Being. The second, we were in this dream of separation, we have been searching adamantly for our Being/Source/God/Love. Everything we do is in search for this, no matter what the mind says.

When you allow Love to fill you up, what you wanted comes to you. Maybe not in the way you thought, but if you can let go of the need for control, it will arrive even more beautiful than you expected. Now, if you lose it, you will still be blissful. When its season has changed, you will still be at peace.  When it rains, you can allow it. Now, you realize from deep within that no matter what happens your eternal, blissful nature IS. Anything else will pass. And you are okay with that.

So change does not start in the external world. So many of us are wanting things to change and trying to manipulate the external world, but still have the same patterns in our thinking. 2012 is bringing change because we have been preparing for this internally. Things are about to be ripe (sp? : / lol ) and blossomed. Our Winter season is wrapping up and the fresh Spring air is coming in.

With Universal laws at hand, you will produce the same results if you are planting the same seeds. Fear seeds will produce fear plants and Love seeds will produce Love plants. So it really starts from within and really looking to see what do you really want? Fear or Love?

To see change in our lives, we need to get to the cause of all the symptoms and effects we are seeing. Healing the mind is what will produce a peaceful, abundant, loving external Life. Acknowledging addictions and letting go of them. Allowing all feelings to be felt. Facing what we have been running from for far too long. Really going within and Loving whatever you see. These are planting the seeds of Love and you will see it in your Life.

Changes comes from within. And the most change comes when you accept how everything is right now fully. To resist it and try to change it is to think that this role you play right now in Life is real. What is real is right NOW and to get to this, acceptance, surrender, and allowing is needed. When we see the Peace that comes from accepting what IS, there will be no choice, but to surrender to the Universal Will.

So no more trying to fix everything and putting band aids on gun shot wounds. Nothing needs to be fixed. Trust. Let’s first take the bullet out. Take out what is causing you so much pain: Let go of the resistance. Face whatever needs to be faced and allow the wound to heal.

When our minds are healed, everything else reflects this. Life knows a lot better than us. Life knows what we need and truly want in our hearts. All we need to do is to open up and ALLOW it. Life knows exactly what we need specifically for our own healing or awakening. Trust in this. Trust in the same force that is making your heart beat right now.

Check out “2012: Planting Seeds of Love (Patience)”!

Check out “2012: Allowing the Contractions in Re-Birth (Courage)”!

Check out “2012: Letting Go of the Steering Wheel (Trust)”!