“Joy exists within us independently of whether things go our way or not. And when we don’t feel it, we can trust that we will find it if we are willing to surrender to the situation, moving through it.” ~Daily OM
This blog entry will be different than any other blog I have written on here. This is about the mental, emotional, and spiritual shifts that happen when you are transitioning from chemically altered hair to naturally kinky, coily, curly, hair. My last relaxer was in late January of 2009 and I cut my hair from bra strap length relaxed hair to ½ an inch of new growth hair on May 29th 2009- a few weeks after I graduated from college. This is also around the time that I embarked, consciously, on my spiritual journey (Phoenix Rebirth). For me, I did not consciously transition to natural hair until 2 weeks before my Big Chop. This is when I started reading all different hair blogs and watched tons of YouTube videos and I knew that I wanted to see my natural hair again-No matter what it took. Since being natural, I have realized that there are 5 key Spiritual lessons that transitioners will learn to truly enjoy their natural hair journey: Courage, Acceptance, Intuition, Patience, and Trust. I wanted to write about this because no matter if you have embarked on a natural hair journey or not, these are lessons that we all learn when doing any type of journey or transformation. My natural hair journey is so closely related to my Spiritual journey aka my Phoenix rebirth, so I hope you can see the similarities in your own journey and get something out of this post. 
Courage: Courage means to face fear. To FEEL fear fully instead of resisting it so we can finally be free of it. When it comes to transitioning to natural hair, it takes courage, but the good thing is: You have all the courage you need! When going natural, many of us do not know what to expect. I had a relaxer since I was about 7 years old. So from 7 to 21, I never knew what the hair that grows out of my scalp truly looked like. I never knew what my real texture looked like and only relaxed my hair because at the time I blindly did not know there were other options. Going natural requires us to embrace the unknown and to let go of expectations. Many of us do things we are used to because we fear the unknown, but there comes a time when we yearn for more and so the journey begins. We really do not know what to expect, if this is our first time going natural. Instead of fearing this unknown territory, we can be excited about the new and endless possibilities we are facing! Like the caterpillar that goes into the cocoon, it does not know what it will be like when it emerges, but it trusts. When we embrace the unknown and let go of expectations, we no longer set ourselves up for disappointment because there is no goal we HAVE to achieve. The goal is actually the process. We let go of expectations, so we can be pleased by what every day brings in our journey. I remember the first time I stepped out into the world with my short natural hair, I was scared. I did not know what others would think, I did not know what I thought even, and I was still in shock. I did not know what to expect. But I felt that fear and I allowed myself to be in this “not knowing” place, and I kept rising. When we “feel the fear and do it anyways” (shout out to Susan Jeffers lol) that courage is seen by everyone around us. This courage and self love will be reflected back to us. It takes courage to Love your authentic self in a society that cherishes and honors masks more.
Acceptance: Show your hair unconditional Love and let go of comparisons. To LOVE unconditionally means to accept fully. To accept means to not want to change or manipulate, but to accept AS IS. This can be a difficult lesson because many of us have grown up learning to hide our natural hair because of false beliefs that it is not good enough or that it is ugly. We see the standard of beauty the media feeds us and since it is so narrow and illusory, we naturally do not fit in (hell, basically no one does!) The natural hair journey teaches us to accept ourselves regardless of what anyone thinks. It teaches us to make our own standard of beauty. Many of us, when we do go natural, we start comparing our hair with other natural goddesses’ hair. Some of us wish that our hair will look like other heads of hair. But this journey is your journey-The journey into accepting yourself for exactly how/what/who you are! Let’s not fall into another trap, into another standard of beauty, into more divisions. All textures, colors, shades, natural or not natural are beautiful! It all breaks down to accepting yourself no matter what, within the natural hair journey or not. We all are beautiful at whatever point we are at within the bigger journey called Life. No one has your beautiful, unique head of hair and it is your job to love it-no one else’s. It is the hair that you will see every day. When we let go of comparisons, we can finally be at Peace knowing that our hair is beautiful right NOW. Goals can be good to have, but don’t allow them to hinder how you feel right now. The journey is truly the destination. And the more we accept where we are right now, the smoother and more enjoyable the ride will be for us. Everyone, when comparisons are let go of, are the epitome of beauty because we are all reflections of the Divine. Look in the mirror and truly SEE your hair, SEE yourself. Fall in Love with what you were blessed with. Fall in love with YOU.
Intuition: Do what is right for YOUR hair. Your hair has unique needs. In the beginning of my natural hair journey, there was a lot of stress I was creating. Mainly because I was trying to follow all of these instructions and tips I saw online and from other naturals. It is truly a gift that we have so much information out there on how to take care of our hair. It really is good to use this information as some starting guidance or a strong foundation, but never ignore your intuition. When we listen to our intuition rather than logic, it is like listening to a short-cut from the heart. I had so much stress trying to do it “right” by what so-and-so said, that I was not listening to myself. Our intuition guides us through-out our journey and helps us to lighten up our load of concerns. When I started to listen to myself, this is when I ran into the right info or tips, picked up the perfect product, and my hair regimen started to form on its own. Listen to what feels right for you. If it doesn’t resonate with you, then it wasn’t meant for you (or meant for you at this point). This will save you a lot of stress, time, and money. What is right for one natural, may not be right for you. This is YOUR journey and the fun of the natural hair journey is getting to know your hair. When you listen to your hair and give it the love, nourishment, nurturing, and protection it yearns for, it will Love you back with optimal health and truly thriving and blossoming. What is right for you is what works for YOU. No need to stress out trying to adhere to rules and restrictions. Relax and you will naturally do what is healthy and loving for your hair.
Patience: Take your natural hair journey one step at a time. Patience requires trust and acceptance. Don’t allow your natural hair goals to own you or control you. Be in tune with the moment and what is happening right now. When we do achieve our goals, we usually are satisfied for a little, but then we go on the hunt again for our next goal or challenge. This never allows us to enjoy the moment. We cannot truly enjoy the journey if we are not accepting where we are right now. Always celebrate all you have accomplished within this journey. Do not look over even the minutest accomplishment. It takes patience in any journey to see the results we desire. Results don’t happen overnight. Like Maya Angelou said, “We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” There are a lot of shifts that go on beyond the surface, patterns and attachments to be let go of, fear to be faced, and persistence needs to be learned, but it is ALL worth it because this is something you truly want in your heart. I would not do one thing differently in my 3 year natural hair journey so far because I have learned from all mistakes and challenges and I would not be where I am now. This goes for any type of journey! There are no accidents in Life. When you are allowing the journey to unfold how it naturally wants to, you will be pleasantly surprised at what you learn along the way-even more than you could have anticipated for! This is not just a hair journey, but a journey in discovering yourself. To see YOU for the first time, fully stripped away of what is not naturally you, standing naked and free.
Trust: This final key lesson of Trust is in reality the foundation for the previous 4 key lessons: Patience, Intuition, Acceptance, and Courage. When you trust that this is a transformation that you are destined to go through, it makes the ride a lot smoother. You can allow your hair to go through whatever phases and seasons it needs to fully blossom to what you desire. When you embark on this journey because it feels right in your heart, this will always guide and support you through-out it. Trust will guide you to supportive, loving people in your Life that see the importance in your journey. Trust will ensure that you stay on the path even when temptation is present. Temptation is present when ambivalence is still in the air. But there will be a time when you are so enmeshed with your hair journey that you would not even think of going back because you have grown. You finally broke free of the cocoon and you are no longer the same person you were before you started this journey. Now this doesn’t mean that maybe you would want to switch it up with your hair one day and start a new journey. That is your choice, but this transformation has deeply rooted and lasting changes no matter what you do on the surface. During your natural hair journey, though, you will be able to transcend temptations because the Universe is backing you up in your decision. When we are ambivalent, it reflects back to us in our external world. So if we are on the fence about being natural and didn’t do it because it truly resonates with us, then any small comment, opinion, or look will make us rethink this whole journey. But when this is something you are doing because you feel it in your soul, then nothing in the entire world can stop you.
“To love is to risk being disappointed, let down and broken hearted and be vulnerable anyway. Love & freedom both require risk. It’s not about whether someone else lives up to your expectations, but if you live up to your own. Don’t be attached to people, focus inward on your own experience of love and bring that to every situation. This is how you take your power back! If you do this authentically, everything your Heart desires AND MORE will be yours.” ~Jackson Kiddard
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life.”
~Elizabeth Gilbert
“Your emotions are very wise guides. As you walk down The Path of Life and learn more about yourself, you will begin to see your emotions as a great ally. Inside of you is all the intuitive wisdom you will ever need and your emotions are the expression of that wisdom. Life is joy, pain, change and primal – your emotions are the building block of life. The true Master understands this and expresses their emotions without judgment or the intention of manipulation. As you begin to express yourself and trust that expression life will open to you in the most unbelievable ways. Creativity will be yours. Success will come. Confidence will come. A brand new life will be yours. Each emotion is a piece of you and must be honored. As you get in touch with your emotions and don’t fear expressing them Life will open – you will be yourself, truly, for the first time.”
~Jackson Kiddard
“Wanting to reform the world without discovering one’s true self is like trying to cover the world with leather to avoid the pain of walking on stones and thorns. It is much simpler to wear shoes.” ~Ramana Maharshi
If any of the blogs, quotes, or videos on Fear as a Compass have helped you in anyway, donations are gratefully accepted. Thank You. : ) Namaste!
